i crave her call

right now all i wish is to die. i don't diserve to live. and i know people will say oh yes u do and i don't want u to die. i know myself beter than them and if they knew me like i know me then they would agree with me. blah blah blah god i am a whiny bitch. thats all i have done on this fucken thing for the last 6 or so entrys. and look i keep on whiny. endless cykle of whining. see now i would be doing everyone a favor by shuting myself up. well that ended wierd and i still feel weird but whatever. like usual bye bye

i don't feel so good

there is somthing wrong with me and i just don't know what. i don't feel sick i don't feel pain. i just feel like there is somehing wrong. an empty feeling and i don't feel like life is even worth living anymore (please don't take offence to this margar). i'm verry sorry if i end it and leave people sad i hope i don't but right now i just don't know. well bye

why

god why can't i just end it. am i realy afrade of what i will find if i do. i think about it everydad i want it everyday but i am just tomuch of a cowerd to just end it. i need to step up to somthing in my life even if that is ending it. i couldn't break up with courtney even though i wanted to for like 4 months and i couldn't say no when she asked me out again. the last time we broke up i purposly got realy mean to her so she wouldn't ask me out again. that affects how i am with margar i was verry comfortable and not paranoid with courtney i meen she tryed to get somthing to bother me and it never did. i am terrafied of when margar will break up with me. i constly fear it. i play it out in my head over and over and i get so depressed from thinking of that. i always if the "plays" ask if we can still be frends though in those and that is probly the only thing that scares me more is looseing my friend ship with margar. it funny margar dosn't do anything and i am that paranoid. i don't know if i just realy want it to work with her as long as possable or i have realy changed. i still try to keep up the appecence that i don't care cause it is a sighn of weakness if i show and i know that is stupid but i am a guy and i think like one with that. i can't beleve i am typing this up now. -sigh- well i guess i am done bye bye

mehhhhhhhh

i just feel like sulking right now. probly cause i am listing to oasis but nomater. and my mom wants me to plan out trying to hang out with margar tomarow which is anoying. i realy feel like i am distant from my dad side of famly which i get along with and i am not sooo distant from my mom but we don't get along. uhhh why can't i just be good with someone? well i guess jake and margar know me better than most. my mom know me pretty well 2 but we don't get along so it dosn't matter and i can read her better than she knows. well i am done cause i don't wana write another long one so bye

vivica

oh vivica i fear for you i truely do. poping pills trying to make it all go away, wanting to be invesible. watching you sit, watching you cry. all i can say is i wish you well i realy do. wanting someone to tell you that you are beautiful. i see you now with a crooked smile. seeing it all i wish you well, i will just sit here and never tell. i feel for you i realy do.

getting drunk on emotions

well this is anoying i typed one gient thingy and my blog lost it. BITCH well i will just go on ranting on what i am thinking of. and what the other guy in my head is thinking of. though i will try to minamise that one because he is a biast racest sexest person who i hate. he is a fucken ass. god am i crazy? i meen he just tells me things that depress me. i realy should give him a name or somthing if u have any sugestions please coment. -singing- today is gona be the day they take me back to u. thinking of margar sulking and listing to oasis. oh look now i am seeing things. YAY. what the fuck is wrong with me. ohhh i am doodling on my desk and weiting to get bitched at by my mom. uhhh is that normal. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ok thats anouff of that what else is going on in there. well halloween the movie. along with my mouth bleeding, margar is still in there, uhhhhhhhhhh. -sigh- i am a worthless fuck. parden my french. uhh what does that term even mean i mean it makes no sence. FUCK oh parden my french. honsltly it makes no sence.wow i have typed alot again atlest the other asshole has shut up. god i wana take some pills right now but i am affraid that i will get adiced or however u spell that. man i like margar to much i meen i think of her alot and i miss her alot. i wish i didn't like her so much. it just cause pain later on but i guess i will have to just let it happen cause i can't stop liking her. uhhhhhh wow i can't beleve someone would read this much and god i should shut up but my blog is called my mind enter if u dare so do u dare to read this much. if u do u will get a look into my mind. its kinda empty isn't it. ooooooooooooooooooooooo texes chainsaw masicare thingy is on!!!! KILL HER KILL HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i do not have problems! well i guess i am done so bye and congrats if u get this far :p

thinking

i have spent the day thinking about the hipacrits in the schools. telling u to stand out and be your self while wanted u to fallow a strict dress code follow the rules, pretty much be another brick in the wall ;) to quote pink floyd. i have also though about the biasts in the political partys. both sides don't care what people in there partys do, but if the other party does something bad oooooo they are the worst people in the world. i am not just saying this about demacrats. this counts for republicans to. ok that it i will go on thinking.

mabey

i have done somthing that i shouldn't have and i will do it again. i might do somthing else and i will never see light again.

YAY

i got to see margar today even though if was a short time it still beats nothing

Crying

it realy weird i have cryed 2 days in a row. i never cry. god i bearly reconise myself anymore
i still miss margar which i need to stop saying but i am just typing whats on my mind so i will try to shut up about that uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh